I faked an abortion last night.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
