Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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