wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
