Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
