I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
