it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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