I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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