There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
