It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
