no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
