Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
