yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
