I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
