dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
