Jerry, you need to find god
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
