So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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