U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
