2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
