All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
