There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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