Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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