Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
