I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
