help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
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