If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
