Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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