i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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