I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
