yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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