dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
