He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she smelled like a LAN party
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
