She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
