I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
