Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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