Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
