turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
