she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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