Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
