tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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