Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
