why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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