Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
