Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
