I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
