New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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