I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
