You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
