I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
