Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The feeling are messing with the penis
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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