mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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