So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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