also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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